Comments for Amanda Jones http://www.albj.co.uk Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:28:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on The Fraud Police by Vina Green http://www.albj.co.uk/2011/fraud-police/#comment-214 Vina Green Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:28:20 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=535#comment-214 This is awesome. That is all. This is awesome. That is all.

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Freja http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-213 Freja Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:21:17 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-213 One of my favourite characters from one of my favourite plays by one of my favourite writers says this to an idealistic young noblewoman who tells him she has only told two lies in her life: "Dear young lady: isn't that rather a short allowance? I'm quite a straightforward man myself; but it wouldn't last me a whole morning." One of my favourite characters from one of my favourite plays by one of my favourite writers says this to an idealistic young noblewoman who tells him she has only told two lies in her life: “Dear young lady: isn’t that rather a short allowance? I’m quite a straightforward man myself; but it wouldn’t last me a whole morning.”

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Freja http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-212 Freja Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:17:51 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-212 It's perhaps not the place to get into this, but I nearly entirely disagree! Lying (not just witholding the truth) is often the more ethical choice. So while I think honesty is a good default, treating it as fundamentally ethical can often lead to hurt feelings, unnecessary cruelty or worse. There are plenty of times when lying has saved lives where honesty would have lost them! And I will never agree that equality is overrated! You need equality of opportunity in order to have the "space to be yourself". That may not lead to an equality of outcome, but that's a different matter. It’s perhaps not the place to get into this, but I nearly entirely disagree! Lying (not just witholding the truth) is often the more ethical choice. So while I think honesty is a good default, treating it as fundamentally ethical can often lead to hurt feelings, unnecessary cruelty or worse. There are plenty of times when lying has saved lives where honesty would have lost them!

And I will never agree that equality is overrated! You need equality of opportunity in order to have the “space to be yourself”. That may not lead to an equality of outcome, but that’s a different matter.

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Lori Smith http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-211 Lori Smith Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:17:51 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-211 Re: "I’m not even that convinced of how ideal honesty is"... You do ealise I'm going to refer back to this whenever I feel guilty for telling a white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings, don't you? :-) Re: “I’m not even that convinced of how ideal honesty is”… You do ealise I’m going to refer back to this whenever I feel guilty for telling a white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, don’t you? :-)

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Skorpion http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-210 Skorpion Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:04:32 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-210 My take on honesty is this: it's one of the cornerstone of my ethics. I think the importance of being honest, certainly with yourself, cannot be overstated, because without it, you will never see life as it really is. But honesty is not the same thing as disclosure. There are many, many things I don't say, and I have a large amount of safeguards around telling people my truth. I rarely volunteer information unless it is welcome: but ask me direct questions, and I will be honest. By contrast, I think equality is overrated. We are not all equal, and we do not need to be. What we need is the space to be ourselves (and we need to take that space if necessary). The limiter on this is that we have equal worth as people, of course: and we all have autonomy, unless we consent not to. My take on honesty is this: it’s one of the cornerstone of my ethics. I think the importance of being honest, certainly with yourself, cannot be overstated, because without it, you will never see life as it really is.

But honesty is not the same thing as disclosure. There are many, many things I don’t say, and I have a large amount of safeguards around telling people my truth. I rarely volunteer information unless it is welcome: but ask me direct questions, and I will be honest.

By contrast, I think equality is overrated. We are not all equal, and we do not need to be. What we need is the space to be ourselves (and we need to take that space if necessary). The limiter on this is that we have equal worth as people, of course: and we all have autonomy, unless we consent not to.

]]> Comment on TL;DR: Your Mileage May Vary by Skorpion http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/ymmv/#comment-209 Skorpion Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:11:45 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=745#comment-209 I've only just got to read this post, and enjoyed it. More please! I’ve only just got to read this post, and enjoyed it. More please!

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Freja http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-208 Freja Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:50:48 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-208 (I'm not even that convinced of how ideal honesty is - I think honesty is often hurtful, and the ethical benefits of lying or just fudging the truth are under-appreciated.) Yes - that's what I was getting at. It may be that there is no option other than to hide one relationship, but it still means that there are certain privileges one relationship has that the other doesn't, which makes equality difficult. (I’m not even that convinced of how ideal honesty is – I think honesty is often hurtful, and the ethical benefits of lying or just fudging the truth are under-appreciated.)

Yes – that’s what I was getting at. It may be that there is no option other than to hide one relationship, but it still means that there are certain privileges one relationship has that the other doesn’t, which makes equality difficult.

]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by Vina Green http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-207 Vina Green Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:48:40 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-207 Yep, I do agree with you. I just hope I never have to make that choice! i.e, if disclosing one relationship means that you lose another (e.g, a family member, who freaks out), Well that just sucks. It would be a wonderful world if everyone accepted everyone and all the people they love, but, unfortunately, that's not the case. Yep, I do agree with you. I just hope I never have to make that choice! i.e, if disclosing one relationship means that you lose another (e.g, a family member, who freaks out), Well that just sucks. It would be a wonderful world if everyone accepted everyone and all the people they love, but, unfortunately, that’s not the case.

]]> Comment on Protected: This is not a role.. by Vina Green http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/role/#comment-206 Vina Green Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:11:07 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=712#comment-206 Protected Comments: Please enter your password to view comments.

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]]> Comment on To Tell Or Not To Tell? by albj http://www.albj.co.uk/2012/to-tell/#comment-205 albj Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:01:52 +0000 http://www.albj.co.uk/?p=786#comment-205 I think we agree more than you suggest. I am in no way advocating blanket openness, and certainly not about your sex life (family never need to know about that!) It's the polyamory bit I'm concerned with, and how we deal differently with additional *relationships*. Because whilst the first relationship is socially acceptable, the next one isn't. No matter how important, or what the circumstances, person number 2 (chronologically) is the one that breaks the mould, and the temptation to treat them differently because of it is high. For a controlled variable ("all other things being equal") I just find the 'whys' and 'hows' around the ethics of that fun to explore.. I think we agree more than you suggest. I am in no way advocating blanket openness, and certainly not about your sex life (family never need to know about that!) It’s the polyamory bit I’m concerned with, and how we deal differently with additional *relationships*. Because whilst the first relationship is socially acceptable, the next one isn’t.
No matter how important, or what the circumstances, person number 2 (chronologically) is the one that breaks the mould, and the temptation to treat them differently because of it is high. For a controlled variable (“all other things being equal”) I just find the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ around the ethics of that fun to explore..

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